Peanut Butter Story

Two things to know quickly. One, Fury's RL friends are fairly bizarre. Two, Fury's friend The Reverend is an actual corrections officer in the state of Illinois and this story actually happened.

One more thing. I can't remember some of the details of this tale but will flesh it out if I remember anything else.

The Reverend was at the time of the telling a corrections officer at a youth detention facility in north-western Illinois. One of his jobs was to check each cell every night to see if everyone was in the right cell and not stirring up any trouble.

Booker, a plump African-American inmate from the Chicagoland area was not usually a problem, despite being in prison. When The Reverend opened up his cell the last thing he expected to see was Booker on all fours, large man-boobs jiggling as another inmate was behind him, looking like he was penetrating the other gentlemen.

The two were separated and Booker brought in for questioning, or at least to explain himself. He was embarrassed but definitely knew what was going on.

"He didn't stick it in or nothing," he began. "All he said was that he'd give me all his peanut butter if he could just rub it (i.e. his johnson) around between my booty cheeks." He paused. "And you just know how much I love peanut butter."

Honestly, I've never found out if the story really ends there or not. I've heard it three times and told it at least a dozen myself. Honestly, who cares? I just know two things from this.

1. Don't go to prison.

2. Peanut butter ain't THAT valuable.